My Year That Was: 2008.

Somebody once said, "the years teaches us what the days could not" and someday I hope to understand when I see the bigger picture...

2008 has been a very 'off-topic' year for me: I took the year off after finishing my Journalism degree to join the workforce and cheekily side-stepped away from my career path. I've gone for things that I didn't think was very 'me' - and surprised myself with how well one handled it. This year, I finally began to challenge my self-imposed limitations...

My passport's been particularly restless this year: taking a total of 14 flights and seven weeks overseas. I've had a friend scoff my 'sheltered upbringing' but perhaps I'm a late bloomer after all: applying for a visa, handling Travellers Cheques and booking my first flight and accommodation at 20. Before I've only ever walked past Lonely Planet guides at Borders: this year I've read it more times than the Bible.

Finally getting a taste of full time work hours and the asphyxiating frustration of life in a call centre coloured my professional year. The faces I've worked with alongside, straddling headsets and wheeling around our ergonomic chairs... the acquaintances I've made: from all backgrounds and walks of life, from the carefree backpackers to the diligent Indian ladies with Honours degrees from India. They all form a piece that completes the puzzle of my year.

I found love one April evening at Max Brenners and I can't believe he's sharing my bed now, given that they usually stop calling after nine days let alone soldiering on close to nine months. He's an amazing boy he is! That prince I deserved after years of kissing frogs, you know. Got photos of us all over my bedroom...

Oh did I mention? This isn't the yellow walled bedroom with the king single bed no more. We moved out. Me, my mama and my brother of course! While my own relationship was blossoming outside, at home I stood torn in the middle as a 25-year long marriage parted before my very eyes.

Yes, 2008 was full of surprises indeed.

And here's the rest of the year that was...

MOVIE OF THE YEAR:

The Dark Knight.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Wall-E.

TV SERIES OF THE YEAR:

30 Rock.

The Passions of Girls Aloud.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

The Fame by Lady Gaga

Passion by Kreesha Turner

19 by Adele

SONG OF THE YEAR:

Damaged by Danity Kane

We Break The Dawn by Michelle Williams

Surveillance by Wynter Gordon

MOST PLAYED TRACK OF THE YEAR:

Right Here (Departed) by Brandy = 125 plays since 19 Aug 2008

Fall (Demo Version) by Brandy = 82 plays since 11 Aug 2008

Damaged by Danity Kane = 57 plays since 7 Feb 2008

Lover (New Edit) by davidlim = 53 plays since 16 Sep 2008

Can't Speak French (Jeremy Whitley Mix) by Girls Aloud = 40 plays since 11 Feb 2008.

DISCOVERY ARTIST OF THE YEAR:

Kreesha Turner

Little Jackie

Lady Gaga

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE YEAR:

Womanizer by Britney Spears (Dir: Joseph Kahn)

Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) by Beyonce (Dir: Jake Nava)

No Can Do by Sugababes

I Know UR Girlfriend Hates Me by Annie (Dir: Sarah Chatfield)

RINGTONE OF THE YEAR:

Speakerphone by Kylie Minogue

Up! by The Saturdays

Proud Mary by Tina Turner

GIG OF THE YEAR:

Margaret Cho's Beautiful stand up comedy tour.

KYLIEX2008

DAVIDLIM'S FASHION STATEMENT OF 2008:

I've diversified with my accessories this year - like the subliminal mantra of this year, I'm going where I've never let myself go before. Rings, necklaces and big man bags.

Highlights include:

• The big ass, honey zirconium ring with little bronze and gold diamantes adorning the side (Diva).
• The whistle-watch necklace (Dangerfield).
• The silver plastic cassette tape necklace (Diva).
• The grey tweed manbag with black leather straps (My aunty).

RETAIL OUTLET OF THE YEAR:

(davidlim wears Romp electric navy nylon hoodie vest with bronze zippers)

Romp

Cotton On

Diva (we're getting a feel for my budget now)

TECHNOLOGICAL ITEM OF THE YEAR:

My phone: The Samsung F480.

Amazingly svelte, elegant touch screen phone - all without the bulk and dramas of an iPhone.

TRAVEL DESTINATION OF THE YEAR:

India of course... the culture, the heritage. This country is mind blowing and once you catch a glimpse of its beauty you'd wanna go back.

Runners up goes to the best sunset beach I've ever seen in my life: Cenang Beach in Langkawi, Malaysia. There is nothing like the white sandy beaches and the purple-orange skies!

NOTE TO DAVIDLIM AT DEC 2009:

"Well bitch, I hope you've learnt to take a little more of your own advise this year. I hope you've kept your head down, damn right focused on what you gotta do. Don't let what nobody else has achieved, how much money you think they making or how far they've flown to work that job, or how many houses they got distract you: I hope you remember your unemployed ass sitting in your bedroom here last year, honey zirconium ring on your right middle finger tapping away this shit on your laptop... and remember that you're in your own lane. Don't waste time giving it your half arse, don't be discouraged if you don't see your desired result yet. Get your priorities right and love your loved ones"

"So many places I have been,

So many heartbreaks in between,

You never can know for sure,

Which door you're heading for.

If I didn't reach for all I could,

How could I say that 'it's all good'?,

Life is an open book,

So what you waiting for?"

- davidlim Open Book.

Senses Go: 21 - 28 December 2008

Some of us might've enjoyed the season of indulgence this week: and others are feeling the consequences right now...

SIGHT:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was no doubt an amazingly touching drama. And right now I'm not sure if the nature of the narrative contributed to the feeling that the movie went for too long or not... 

I totally felt time stretch in the first half of the movie: but there's always something so bittersweet about these introspective and life-reflecting narratives (like La Vie En Rose) - that brings up themes of contentment, ageing and death for me. But having said that: terrific performance by Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. They really do have marvelous on-screen chemistry!

SOUND:

Yeah I didn't play any carols this Christmas. Just wasn't feeling it. Yes, my inability to conjure some Christmas spirit is startling for some. But bottom line, no Mariah Christmas album this year instead, I treated our guests to Tina Arena's Songs of Love & Loss collection. 

Nice easy listening stuff to carve your turkey slice to.

TASTE:

I never have to worry about food when my aunty and her culinery master of a husband is around. Every family gathering's been well catered since they migrated here... and there was nothing lovelier on our Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner menu than my aunty's specialty crispy oat prawns!

 

SMELL:

There's been a switch to more masculine, woody scents for me recently. I guess one don't wanna be confused for wearing Paris Hilton parfums no more but let's just say, this is one Christmas present I started using straightaway! Well done, Santa.

FEELING:

I do not turn to alcohol to take away the pain. But bitch opened a whole flood gate on Friday night when he went home in wisdom-tooth-sprouting agony and desperately foraged through a hidden cupboard for straight vodka. After the equivalent of probably 5 to 6 shots of straight Absolut: I found myself stumbling out from the shower and signed in on MSN at 3am... passed out at the desk until sunrise. But hey, at least the pain went away.

THOUGHT:

I am not one for impulsive buys on Boxing Day: I'm too sober and too aware of my financial situation for that. It's interesting how some people would just buy anything that day just cause it says 'SALE' on the window.

Truth is, if you're expecting to get clothes and you rock up at 11:38am - there's probably nothing left under XL sizes. Instead, I turned my credit card to discounted bedding, kitchen appliances and even a wittle black $6 plastic X'mas tree. Which I probably won't see for another 363 days...

My Blockbuster Special

I hate being put in a position where I have to get more to feel like I've gotten my money's worth. This comment extends beyond sex, of course. But these bloody Blockbuster specials of $10 for 5 weekly rentals really had me scurrying around for a decent pick.

Thing is: all you frugals out there can relate I'm sure: one weekly rental is $3... once you've gathered three, which is effortless, you might as well go for another two for a dollar.

Believe it or not, all the wowzers like Capote and Amelie are hired... even Jessica Simpson's Employee of The Month got taken out (not that I was looking).

So here's what crawled in my bag last week:

BABEL (2006):

I've never paid much attention to Brad Pitt films but come to think of it he's made some good choices. I love a good drama, especially ones with a statement on humanity or society. The film runs on a multiple-narrative structure with a twist at the end somehow linking protagonists from the United States, Morocco, Japan and Mexico. Having just returned from India, I think Babel really connected with the newly-awaken worldly side of me... four touching stories each with their own themes of love and loss, great cast and undeniably worthy of the Golden Globe win for Best Motion Picture - Drama.

THE RAGE IN PLACID LAKE (2003):

This one was hired for a Shoe Swap segment we were doing on Diff'rent Strokes radio, where Jade and I were to pick out a bargain bin DVD of choice for each other. I subjected her to Glitter by Mariah Carey (for my defense - run though the blog archives) and she in turn, picked out an local indie film starring Ben Lee. I actually found The Rage in Placid Lake quite witty... if anything else, relatable. I suppose when you're young you have this notion that you can bend and squeeze yourself into any 'type' you like: needless to say, it's a nice coming of age movie.  

PAM ANN - COME FLY WITH ME (2007):

I've read much about comic, Pam Ann, in gay presses - and even walked past her DVD on the rental shelf a few times. You'd be forgiven for mistaking her for a drag act but this brash, bitchy flight attendant had me in stitches! When it comes to competing with the heavy weights in comedy, Pam Ann's one-trick pony show is no match. But kudos for carving a niche in air travel jokes with a touch of glamour and camp! One for my DVD shelves, that's for sure...

BAD EDUCATION (2004):

I do have a penchant for arthouse films. Soft core porn, as some mistake it for. But I relish in the beauty and authenticity of arthouse indie movies: bold, dramatic storylines tackling taboo themes and a fascinating style of filming - are an interest. Bad Education is like a Hitchcockian style murder mystery: based on a metafictitious narrative coloured by themes of sexual abuse by Catholic priests, transsexuality and drug abuse. Mexican heart throb, Gael Garcia Bernal, is a revelation (he also starred in Babel) in drag!

OFFICE SPACE (1999):

I was told to watch this when I was holed up in a drone-like, 9 to 5 call centre job. Not by the supervisor of course but a fellow colleague trapped in the rat race. You know, if I hadn't experienced full time work in a loosely similar office environment like what they had on Office Space: with the same bullshit management styles and patronising communication protocols - I wouldn't have appreciated the movie as much! Good to see what I've left behind...

At Least This Won't Die On Me...

Meet my fabulous new pet goldfish: FiFi... she is quite a catch, isn't she?

(FiFi the discoglam goldfish swimming in her natural habitat of sheer bronze sheets)

I was out doing some last minute Christmas shopping (really, which one of the 300 odd people at Glenny weren't) and I came across this beautiful old gold fantail with mirror scales. 

Somewhat resembling a disco ball but that's not the only appeal! 

I've nearly given up all hope of ever being able to successfully keep goldfish alive for any longer than three months. Child, I did everything... I got into the chemistry of the water, I made sure I was feeding them right and even serenaded them with Aqua before bed every night.

But no, they just gotta die on me...

So I think FiFi would be a good enough substitute until I'm game enough to get back into the pet shop variety. Mind you, her little gold ass came at much better value than her live counterpart... for $29.95 you can expect a 'large' fantail only a third of this curvacious beauty.

Senses Go: 15 - 21 December 2008

Are there any sober commuters left standing this week? I think not.

The end is nigh and out pours the intense flow of Christmas parties... aside from overly communicative, drunk train passengers: there's always the glitter-faced Kylie fans taking the express downtown for her KYLIEx2008 show.

SIGHT:

(KYLIEX2008: a tour de force of eye candy)

It's the one live music event I've been waiting for all year: all my gay years, in fact. One finally gets to see Kylie live in concert...

The KYLIEX2008 tour lived up to the eclectic blend of pop stylings on her 10th studio album, X. The absence of a singular musical theme on the record gave Kylie and William Baker the opportunity to showcase a vivid, mish-mash of styles and sounds all in one show.

Sitting through the 28-song set list: I felt like I've been treated to numerous movie genres in Kylie stage incarnations. There's an element of sci-fi in the electro opener featuring Speakerphone, then American teen flick with cheerleaders and footballers, there's a camp 60s beach party theme with Copacabana... and even a bit of hippy chic near the end when Kylie gets out a tambourine for an anthemic 'world music' mix of No More Rain featuring tablas and sitars.

If I had to pick a favourite set, it'll have to be her Asian persuasion in a Japanese-inspired set featuring Come Into My World... with cherry blossom petals floating down, samurai outfits and Kylie in a Harajuku geisha wig. 

Sonically, every track gets a refreshing new arrangement: classic hits were updated with squelching modern dance beats, I Believe In You mellowed to a piano ballad, Slow rose from a minimalist bleeps to gothic rock and Heartbeat Rock conveniently thumps to the beat of Toni Basil's Mickey.

The KYLIEX2008 DVD may already be available in Europe. But no doubt, it's the Aussies that'll be bum-rushing for more Kylie this month. Capitalising on not just the Christmas rush but concert-goers' high from the show... the tour DVD is in stores 23 December (aptly, a day after the last show in Melbourne). No prize for guessing what I'll be lining up for on Tuesday.

SOUND:

(Must the Show go on, really?)

Speaking of variety show, it's heartwarming to see Alesha Dixon (formerly of UK's garage answer to Destiny's Child: Mis-Teeq) strike back with a second solo album undeterred by a hiccup debut a few years ago.

The girl's trying to play the cards right with her second coming: offering herself up for Strictly Come Dancing (and taking home the trophy), making as many not-necessarily musical appearances as she can to put her name on the public's lips... and then, drop a rightfully showy new album.

The Alesha Show is a no-brainer Brit pop album. You get the vision: she wants to entertain with a mixed goodie bag of radio-ready tunes. The mambo-esque Xenomania lead single, The Boy Does Nothing, became Alesha's first solo Top 10: propelling from #84 to #8 in a week on the UK Singles Charts just on downloads. 

But the battle is yet to be won! Dixon's subsequent singles and promotional efforts would somehow need to keep the ball rolling in order for this Show to keep selling out past its #26 chart peak.

TASTE:

(Beer aficionados' sweet tout: Little Creatures)

So you're at a bar and you're talking to a cute guy, right? And you notice what he's sippin' on ain't Cosmo or some strawberry daiquiri fuckery but rather... beer. What's a queen to do?

I do actually drink beer: but only cause I'm cheap. Here's where my Diff'rent Strokes Radio Shoe Swap segment of old came in handy... (*This is Dave being a beer connoisseur*)

Oh! Just so you know, he was sippin' on the new 'it' ale: the sweet Little Creatures, and I could've sustained a conversation on ales and lagers if called upon. Question is, my ladyboys... could you?

SMELL:

(Nanna Lim's approved scent)

Ministry of Sound's released a his 'n' hers perfume imaginatively titled: Nightlife... smells like metrosexual spirit and my nan's eau de toilette actually. 

Not a likely or savoury pairing, I have to say.

FEELING:

Another radio bird flies the metropolitan Melbourne coop. Farewell Ms. Bree! You will be dearly missed by your community and commercial radio cohorts...

Meanwhile, I'm still trying to get my voice back from the roof-raising sing-out-loud at Kylie's concert on Friday and last night's farewell drinks. The husky vocals did leave my boyfriend desiring phone sex more than ever though...

THOUGHT:

(Posh's feet on a day off)

Every now and then I like to shock the public and cause a stir in the tabloids: much like when Posh goes to Brooklyn and Romeo's soccer practice in flip flops and a baseball cap.

So believe it or not, I underqueened when we went to the Kylie concert this week. Barely recognisable in my baggy olive green man shirt, baggy blokes' jeans, black squared sunnies and Dunlop Volleys - I even went unnoticed when sitting adjacent to some acquaintances on the train.

Yes, they sang and bopped along to my Britney and Kylie ringtones: heard me put up with conversation with a drunkard across from me and still didn't register who this bitch was. Ah, the relief of going incognito!

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Cause you just might get it, bitch! 

Here's an all-too-subtle attack on Prop 8, when Katy Perry gets double jacked by comedienne and fag hag du jour, Margaret Cho and the wild, Amanda Palmer.

When she came out with I Kissed A Girl, she really was asking to be dominated by a purple, vibrating strap on...

("This was not the way I planned, not my intention..." - Katy Perry had it coming.)

It's a nice, brash little revenge on the little attention seeking woman: even if it was just an act. Who knows where she'll be after this album, really. 

On a related thought, I found it funny that when Katy Perry and said song was announced at the MTV Asia Music Awards, the conservative mofos bleeped out 'girl'... like half a million people watching haven't heard the song already?

Let Me Watch You Break It Down And...

Further elaborating on the brilliance of Lady Gaga's promotional juggernaut... here's what I spied from PopJustice.com!

Here we have a USB-powered miniature dance mat to coincide with the release of Just Dance. 

I want one. This bitch never ceases to amaze me...

"Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic,

Got my blueprint, it's symphonic..."

Albums of The Year 2008

2008 hasn't been as much of a big deal for seasoned popstars as it was for the newcomers... The over-hyped annual releases from Madonna, Girls Aloud and Mariah merely glimmered next to fresher revelations like Lady Gaga, Kreesha Turner, Sam Sparro, Michelle Williams, Solange and Little Jackie.

The formulas were wearing thin and the singles were sounding all too predictable for my usual suspects. I need that element of surprise and that wow factor! I crave that unexpected twist which now brings me to these albums and how they and the artist have stood out for me in 2008:

Lady Gaga: The Fame

By far the most promising new act in pop: the world has learnt her name in the space of two hit singles and she's already wowed with glimpses of what an elaborate performer she can be. 

Perhaps the thing about Gaga for me wasn't just the sound or the performances I've seen on YouTube. But rather observing the makings and establishment of her pop icon foundations. I appreciate the fresh approach her and her people have gone with the utilisation of YouTube and online entertainment. The Transmission: Gaga Vision series was, for me anyway, a rather unique way of introducing herself to fans and unveiling her persona. 

Armed with her own vision and style, coupled with showmanship and the gift of writing her own hits: one can only imagine how long Lady Gaga has been in the making, to hit mainstream this year - and be the raising bar already. 

This glamophonic record has gone platinum in Australia and yielded four singles to date (depending on your region): Just Dance, Poker Face, The Fame and Beautiful Dirty Rich.

Solange: Sol-Angel & The Hadley St. Dreams

2008 has seen the female artists once orbiting around Beyonce's superstardom now whirling off to find their own space in the pop galaxy. And none fared better in her own tangent than younger sister, Solange.

Sol-Angel & The Hadley St. Dreams is that off-topic, Motown and neo-soul record you don't expect a commercial success with. And that's the beauty of it! While the two singles: I Decided and Sandcastle Disco demonstrates crossover potential - the bulk of the record was not conceptually aimed at the mainstream market.

Solange herself described her target audience as the "intellectual, backpacking, coffee shop, digital kid" clientele. The girl is a league of her own: and there's a certain selfishness about her project that I admire. One's of the impression that this record served more as a raw, stylistic and expressive sketch than a polished contemporary release for the masses. There's a certain adventurous and lukewarm eager-to-please approach that I, myself, whimsically yearn to adopt for a musical project.

Sam Sparro: Sam Sparro

Stylistically, Sparro's amalgamation of soulful vocals, funk and electro dance is exemplary. Like, Lady Gaga, I felt he too was one of those acts that you know... has been a long time coming. It's seldom, for me anyway, to notice a 'newcomer' burst forth onto the pop music platform and is already commanding their own style and act. 

His self-titled debut made an impression with the vocals - that suave, black man's voice coming from a spunky, Aussie expat in London. Coupled with an exciting injection of new promise in the Australian pop music scene - thanks to him and Gabriella Cilmi this year.

Sam Sparro's spawned the global hit: Black & Gold, followed by 21st Century Life and Pocket. 

Michelle Williams: Unexpected

Nothing about Destiny's Child or their solo releases have ever surprised me quite as much as Michelle's mainstream crossover this year. As one can imagine, when the bar's been set so low with prior two albums all languid gospel records - people wouldn't expect her to hit with an Europop influenced dance sound.

While Kelly Rowland and Beyonce laid low, Michelle stomps forth, riding the current electro R&B sound that Rihanna and Chris Brown's made ubiquitous world over with. Unexpected's never been about the eureka of originality for me: but rather a celebration of Michelle Williams' brilliant reinvention and solo debut on the commercial charts.

Unexpected offered three singles with commercial appeal: We Break The Dawn, The Greatest and Hello Heartbreak.  

Kreesha Turner: Passion

I'm rarely able to refrain from skipping tracks when I listen to an album from start to finish. Yet somehow this Canadian beauty and rather underrated new artist I stumbled upon this year, did it for me! Kreesha Turner captivated me from start to finish with her lush soulful vocals over modern R&B beats. 

Passion is best described as an R&B/soul record with a touch of acoustic pop and jazz. It's a rich and fulfilling listen once you awaken to a commercial pop debut so intricately layered with various musical influences - that don't come off as ambitiously, try hard.

Kreesha's released four singles to date: Don't Call Me Baby, Bounce With Me, Simple and Lady Killer. And more astonishingly, she's yet to grab mainstream attention despite having songs featured in countless TV show promos and even a Nikon ad with Ashton Kutcher. 

Little Jackie: The Stoop

Where I had Lily Allen's Alright, Still a few years ago - I now have The Stoop by Little Jackie. Every now and then, I come across a record that's appealing purely for the lyrical frankness and witty writing. 

When listening to records like The Stoop, I feel inspired and challenged to write more honestly and embrace a bit of humour in my songs. The summery horns-laden music and sassy lyrics makes hip hop accessible and appreciable to me - and in some ways, the attitude and impressions of Little Jackie remind me of an early Kelis. 

You know, it still amazes me how some brilliant artists with their catalogues of quirky lyrics and tunes rarely bond with the charts after one hit single - yet others like Lily Allen and The Streets forge on.

Little Jackie's only had one single: The World Should Revolve Around Me but highlights of the album include - 28 Butts and LOL, the latter about a busted lover caught in infidelity via SMS.

Senses Go: 8 - 14 December 2008

The madness of Christmas rush has finally gotten to me!

The ridiculously long queues at Toys 'R' Us with greek mamas shopping for the entire clan ('Oh mercy! I feel for you...' I said to one of them as she gave a weary smile and wheeled out a massive trolley full of water bazookas and Bratz dolls.)

Yes it's retailers' favourite season of the year... all the sudden, dilemmas that I've care-freely shrugged off becomes pressingly urgent:

'Why haven't you set up the Christmas tree yet, Dave?'

'Have you got a Christmas tree yet, babe? Maybe you should get a real tree this year...'

'Who's in charge of decorations, Limmy?'

'David, didn't we already do the silver and blue theme last year?'

'Have we got enough tinsels?'

'Who's coming over for Christmas dinner again?'

'Wait, ma! Are you telling me there is a Christmas Eve and a Christmas dinner?'

'So when do we open the presents?'

I'll be glad when Boxing Day's over and my shopping routine can return to normal pace.

SIGHT:

(Apparently my brother's friends think I'm most like Ryan... I don't see it.)

I'd rather poke my eyes out with a blunt plastic butter knife than to sit through a Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens duet.

And really should've drawn the line at Highschool Musical 3! But bitch can't say no when his little brother pleads and nags to go to the movies... It's been our tradition for years. I've been taking my brother to movies ever since he was old enough to sit through an entire film in a dark theatre without squealing.

But this movie excursion tested me. Goes against my fine, highbrow taste in popular culture and shit... you know me! Nonetheless, we went and I made it out alive.

The choreography, set and costumes were impressive though! No wonder it's been hailed the Grease of this generation. But what I found fascinating about HM3 was how producers and writers handled the portrayal of camp twinky character, Ryan (Luke Grabeel).

Is he or isn't he? Yes. Even at a Disney movie, I rarely give up a chance to ask myself the question.

SOUND:

Youtube does find posts for idle hands. Being in between jobs and a fitting lady of leisure at home: I tend to spend mornings watching Ellen interviews followed by a splash of Girls Aloud videos with a cuppa Earl's Grey tea.

(Note the Miffy Mug - almost upstaging the performance and not to mention the bangin' biceps!)

That's when I stumbled upon Mr Boogie doing a smorgasbord of Brit pop covers on his acoustic guitar. Above's his organic and mellow rendition of my favourite Girls Aloud track: Call The Shots.

TASTE:

(Summer bevvy du jour, darlings...)

Mum and I fully stocked up for a long hot summer here with stacks of ginger beer in the fridge: and what's this weather fuckery?

Been raining non-stop, bitches. That ain't right! These bottles of ranga juice weren't meant to be consumed indoors on wet, summer nights...

SMELL:

(I'm wearing Absolut. But that could just be from last night...)

On Diff'rent Strokes radio this week - Jade Gulliver embarked on a Shoe Swap to create her celebrity scent. This all stemming from one narcissistic queen's ambition a few years ago to create his own 'celebrity fragrance' by spritzing together a few different Body Shop eau de toilettes.

But somehow Jade brought to the table some weird ass recipe to make your own perfume. What in God's kitchen is this mess? Something about essential oils and vodka marinating for weeks?

This celebrity scent shit is easier and more inexpensive than I thought: I mean, it's not like Mariah's got her own concoction happening in her mini bar or anything. But it's a good starter for D-listers like me.

FEELING:

"I lean towards fiction,

But you deal with fact,

Don't mind the friction,

Cause opposites attract...

Not the kinda guy to catch my eye,

Now we're picking out the towels and curtains,

Never thought you'd be the lucky guy,

Now it's the only thing I know for certain"

- Girls Aloud Love Is The Key.

THOUGHT:

(Boy, I wanted to collect them all so bad!)

With my mobile and camera going touch screen recently, it really had me missing my Nokia days of rapid SMS-ing with buttons and the highschool era of flashy, changeable mobile phone covers!

Booking A Flight To London Now!

I clicked on this to watch a supposedly 'funny' interview with Beyonce... and I mean, if the title says 'FUNNY' in caps then fuck it's gonna be side-splitting now ain't it?

(In her defence, the little Jekyll & Hyde twitch at 0:43 mark did make me chuckle)

So anyhoos, I have this thing now where I find myself Youtubing recent Beyonce interviews and trailers of upcoming movie... you can see how this is all her fault. Her constant plugging of that Cadillac Records flick she's in spawns all these curious searches for cinematic trailers.

Now when I clicked on this short SKY news interview: lo and behold, this cute English lad-ish accent comes on and I knew this clip wasn't gonna be about Sasha Fierce for me.

Mainly cause, I've stayed up all night watching her on Tyra and shit - I practically have all her responses memorised... but this lad. 

Mmm mmm! Who is Steve Hargrave?

(Am I blind or deaf? Perhaps I'm just dickmatised and just wants his job?)

A quick SKY News search him and voila! It may not be a Manhunt profile but this'll do:

Steve joined Sky News in January 2008 as Entertainment Correspondent. He moved from ITV London Tonight (2006-08) where he was Showbiz reporter covering the key entertainment stories in the capital, from film premieres to major music and arts events. He is a keen music fan and presents a weekly gig and music review on LBC Radio in London. His proudest moments so far include playing a ukulele version of ‘Living On A Prayer’ to a gobsmacked Bon Jovi, sharing a giggling fit with Denzel Washington, having Cameron Diaz and Beyonce squeeze his arm and letting Miss Piggy sit on his lap!

So is he or isn't he? Does this count?

"What have you been up to since you joined (ITN)?"

The first thing I did was interview a womble..and I am happy to report it's got better since then. Working in showbiz may sound a tad trivial, but the real joy is trying to ignore the fluffy glossy-mag approach, and give some of the celebs a hard time when they get too big for their boots. I can usually take or leave the gossip about the likes of Geri Hallwell, but with a tongue firmly in cheek we battle on. The real joys have been the opportunities to meet heroes.....Paul McCartney, Brian Wilson......genuinely nice people.......Ricky Gervais, Will Smith....and people whose posters I've had on my wall at some point in life.......Rachel Stevens and Kylie Minogue.

Rachel Stevens and Kylie Minogue? Child, that makes you and every other queen in the UK. People, am I grasping for straws here? There's not a whole lot that comes up when you google Steve Hargrave.

And the selection of Google Images are disappointing too... As I type, I can feel my interest waning (let's go back on Youtube)... nevertheless it's perhaps just a promise of better out in the English market.

(There he is! More Steve Hargrave less of Robert Downey Jr, thank you)

But you know, I've always fancied moving to London... either that or I could settle for watching Love Actually and listening to Sophie Ellis-Bextor pop for the rest of my hedonistic gay years in Melbourne suburbia.

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It's been over 12 hours and I can't believe I'm still on the prowl... and it's bordering on sadly disturbing, I know but I've got my eye on another English lad!

People are probably thinking, you know... you could pick better looking ones like Hugh Grant, David Beckham or Robbie Williams (also richer). But who's this dude?

(Mathew Horne: English comedian who's worked with Catherine Tate, Kylie and Girls Aloud -  I can't say no to that!)

If you're yet to encounter the comic sketches of The Catherine Tate Show: you haven't experienced British comedy! As I slouched on the bean bag with a packet of corn chips tonight, laughing out loud over season three... one of the male leads caught my eye.

Strangely enough, more so when he's a wanker of a scallie as Ryan in the Lauren Cooper sketches. This familiar face also featured on Kylie's The Kylie Show last year and interestingly enough: did the voice over for Girls Aloud's The Passions of Girls Aloud. 

Sounds like he's got contacts with Brit pop royalty there... oh, I need a lie down.

Senses Go: 1 - 7 December 2008

Diary of an unemployed youth: should read lazy slouching days in front of the Playstation and a sky rocketing download usage.

But not this busy little beaver! Emancipated from the confines of full time work hours made me feel a little lawless, feeling guiltily disorganised - so by Tuesday, I knew I had to give myself a routine.

I cracked the whip! Bitched dropped and gave twenty push ups, quit rising at noon and started calling recruitment companies.

I'm a workaholic by nature: my head rants off a to-do list from ambitious summer projects (like finishing an avant garde electro art pop EP under a pseudonym) to post-vacation chores (developing photos, doing laundry and organising souvenirs).

So here's what actually went down this week:

SIGHT:

(Lucky getting his annual hose down...)

It's that time of the year again - Lucky, my car, is getting his annual hose down. Lucky and I have been through a lot together in the two years or so since we were acquainted.

He earnt his name from the abundance of '8's he has on his number plate: often a lucky number for the Chinese. However, Lucky's not so lucky to have an owner who's only washed him twice before and who doesn't care to know much about him other than the fact that he's insatiably thirsty for petrol.

Lucky's faithfully taken his owner to the ends of The Great Ocean Road, Phillip Island and back - and has never chucked a tantie. Lucky's even had to put up with his driver getting lucky all over his backseat once or twice before, dodgy parallel parks risking his silver coat and near death encounters with trams.

His owner doesn't even have proper car wash fluid, so Lucky now smells like the laundry hanging on the line. He sincerely hopes his owner feels an overwhelming guilt during the scrub down as cakes of mud, layers of dust, crusty bird faeces and even cake icing baked hard from a Muck Up Day tragedy comes out in the wash.

Lucky can't seem to recall though, how a suspicious blue biro mark got on his side... perhaps someone has been doodling on him too. Not that his owner would know.

SOUND:

(Schizophonic: what's this 'edgy' thing you're attempting, hun?)

I get back in the country and Beyonce, Britney, Jessica Mauboy and Brandy all got albums out in stores! The iPod has shit loads to catch up... so I clean swept them all in one day and here's the verdict.

Beyonce - I Am... Sasha Fierce:

OK this surprised me. I was expecting to hate it... Personally, after the enormity of B'Day and after hearing the predictable beats of Single Ladies - I thought this album would be fillers built on grounds stomped over. Amazingly, it's not Sasha Fierce that I'm most drawn to - but the emotive Beyonce ballads. Highlights from this schizophonic collection include: Radio, Sweet Dreams, Ave Maria, Halo and obviously the two lead singles.

Britney - Circus:

I know it's meant to be a big deal. But compared to Blackout, this one took longer to digest. Suppose it's a tough act to follow in my books, as Blackout satiated my thirst for skanky R&B and slick electro pop productions. Circus throws Britney back into her familiar formula of modern dance pop and saccharine ballads (as exemplified by Britney and In The Zone). The highlights for me were: Womanizer, Circus, Out From Under, If U Seek Amy and Shattered Glass.

Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting:

Sony BMG can't decide to cast her as Rihanna or Jordin Sparks. Sadly, this album weighs in more on the latter. I've been a fan of J Mau since her Idol days - and watched her do her internship at Young Divas Academy and now graduating to a full fledged pop star. Highlights include: Running Back, Burn, To The Floor and Because.

Brandy - Human:

I adore Brandy. Don't care if you haters thought she died after Moesha. She is by far, one of our generation's best female R&B vocalists. She may not be a belter like Jennifer Hudson but Brandy puts diligence in her vocal arrangements - and it's sad to see it unsupported by stronger tunes here! Crazy thing was, the best tracks had already leaked months ahead and only two made the cut. The Natasha Bedingfield offering, Fall, is by far the best... even though, I preferred the under-produced demo.

TASTE:

(Something resembling my cooking, if I had bothered with presentation)

I'm no Jamie Oliver but mum thinks it's lovely that I try anyway. I cook dinner over the weekends and my family's now used to the shock of some major culinery faux pas. While I'm no expert in the kitchen, if there's one thing I want my cooking to be is: flavoursome.

So running with this mantra, we've seen a whole lotta looney dishes come out of Dave's Kitchen in the past few months: from the infamous Vinegar Asparagus Salad to Butter Chicken Curry Pasta. Weird yes, but boring? Never.

But tonight I did OK, I reckon: grilled blue grenadine with basil pesto spread, a drizzling of fresh lemon juice, freshly ground black pepper and sea salt with a dash of rosemary - with sundried tomatoes on the side. Bon appetit!

SMELL:

(Smells like queen spirit: my flirty, fruity scent of the moment Moschino Funny!)

Studies have revealed that just like straight women, gay men's brains may be wired to become sexually aroused by the chemicals in male sweat. (OK, upon further reading, this research finding wasn't as groundbreaking as I had thought)... so to summarise: a splash of fresh cologne smelling of dirt, rubber, gin and tonic might do you favours before you hit Sircuit next time...

The survey also apparently showed turn ons for gay men include traditional masculine scents: along the lines of Fahrenheit and Brut. But also on the flip side, those seeking power bottoms are likely to don softer, fruitier scents to snare a catch... Interesting to note though, oceany aqueous smells don't quite do it for our people.

FEELINGS:

(Behind these yellow walls: the birth place of my ostentatious photo shoots)

Stepping back into my parent's house this week to help my dad move out brought back enough teary-eyed memories. It's the first time I've been back since Mum upped and left with the kids - and to be honest, I never looked back. I just kept going. I remember being so numb to it all, packing as much of my room as I could into my car and driving for miles to her new place.

Whatever I couldn't take, I left behind without a desire to see again. A part of me wanted to hang onto that memory of our house - in all its splendour, garden beautifully tended to, furniture still in place.

Returning to pick up the remains in a house we once called home was strange. The same yellow walled bedroom mum and I painted four years ago... my first night there, spinning Darren Hayes' new album The Tension & The Spark on my blue portable CD player. The carpet still maps out where my bed and table used to be. This was where I wrote my first songs. It's where I came out to my family and these doors have endured much angered slammings over the years... and suddenly, it echoes.

Through the sun bleached curtains, mum's garden now overtaken with weeds and wild roses. In the bright summer day, you can see almost every imaginable type of flowering plant now spilling out of their garden beds.

"Only now I've let go,

Honey I just don't know,

Sit right here and watch the sky above for a sign.

Tell me will you miss me, when I'm in your history,

Baby there ain't nothing good about this goodbye,"

- Rachel Stevens Nothing Good About This Goodbye

THOUGHT:

(Clubbed to death...)

Rising on a Sunday arvo: the cerebral cortex mumbles an appeal for self control. Thank God the weekend is winding down... bitch can't do this clubbing thing for the fourth night in a row. A friend has expressed his concern that "if (I) dipped it low, (I) might not be able to bring it back up again".

For me, dancing's always been a form of release - and it's best executed with fun, carefree company and great music! It's a time of the night where I put my best clothes on, step out in style and strut with confidence: and these days it's not so much for that 'all eyes on me' kinda thing. But more so, for me to feel good about myself and escape from reality a little.

"On any given night,

Catch me on the floor,

Workin' up a sweat that's what music's for...

For me it's an escape,

Cause dancin' makes me feel beautiful!"

- Madonna Heartbeat.